You realize your child is gifted. You want to help her realize the full potential of those gifts. You want the best education, the right toys, the imaginative books, the right schools and teachers, the right friends – and the best possible future as an adult.
You set out to plan for all the things you have to do, and you clear the way for your child’s path to success as an adult. You have high expectations for your child, and you will leave no stone unturned to ensure that your child has a happy life.
You are probably thinking that, because your child is very smart, can learn things very quickly, remembers a lot of details about events, uses big vocabulary words, gets along well with older kids and adults, and just seems to be, well, very different than other kids – she is destined for greatness.
Maybe she is, and maybe not so fast. A lot can happen on the road to adulthood.
What are some things that will impact the travel along that life path that may determine where your child ends up? Here are a few factors you may not have considered, but probably should.
Social pressures may determine right – or wrong – career
Parents of gifted children have often been heard to say “You should become a doctor” or “You would make a great lawyer.” Gifted children often follow paths that are stereotyped for them. If the child is good at science, she is encouraged to study medicine.
If a child is good at reasoning, she is encouraged to be a teacher or lawyer. The child’s own interests are irrelevant.
Parents have high expectations for their gifted children. Children are expected to do well in school, get all “A”s, spend a lot of time on homework, and focus on math and science subjects.
You are happy to see your child’s high grades, and you chide her when she gets a “B” or lower. It doesn’t matter how long she really studied – if she got that “A.” It matters only if she got a lower grade, right?
You are already putting unhealthy pressure on your child. You are recognizing and rewarding the wrong thing. You might be teaching your child to demand perfection of herself. This could lead to unrealistic expectations as an adult. It’s tough to be perfect at anything.
A better approach is to look at the process of learning. If your child works hard to get that “B,” recognize the hard work. If your child does not work hard to get an “A,” it’s time to find out why. Maybe your child is not being challenged enough. That might lead you to the teacher, subject level being taught, or school system.
The point here is that you should monitor process rather than performance. Concentrate on the work ethic rather than the person. If your child learns to apply herself, find her own resources, and learn for the sake of learning, she will take that behavior into adulthood and continue to grow.
Carol Dweck of Stanford University describes two types of mindset: fixed and growth. A person with a fixed mindset thinks that learning should come naturally, and she should always do whatever smart people do, meeting all the typical expectations for smart people. Don’t let anyone know about mistakes or shortcomings. “Play the part of being smart.”
A fixed mindset leads to thinking that potential alone is all that you need. You will succeed without much effort because you have all that potential that will someday be realized.
Someone with a growth mindset, on the other hand, loves learning for the sake of learning, likes to work hard and owns up to mistakes, seeing them as an opportunity to improve. They develop study skills and learn persistence and are not put off by mistakes or setbacks.
Encouraging hard work and exploring many interests will put your gifted child on the right path to adulthood and a satisfying career of her own choice.
Multi-talent leads to multi-potential
Gifted children may or may not know what they want to be when they grow up. Some children are good at subjects in the STEM group (science, technology, engineering and mathematics). These children follow traditional courses that help them grow in knowledge and ability in those fields.
In a way, they are fortunate to know where their talents lie at an early age and can follow their particular area of interest as they grow older. They have a head start on successful careers.
Some gifted children, probably most of them, have many areas of interest. They want to explore each of them to see where they lead. They may seem obsessed with any one of them at any particular time while being dispassionate about the others. Then, their interest will change.
These children are not sure which path they want to follow into adulthood. They do not know what they will be when they grow up. This is natural.Barbara Kerr is a professor at the University of Kansas who has studied this field. She calls the condition “multipotentiality.” Gifted children can select and develop any one of several subjects and career paths because they have a high general intelligence. This also makes them hesitant to commit to any single area and leads others to think they are unfocused or indifferent.
Hesitancy to commit may also stem from fear of failure and avoidance of risk-taking. These gifted children may choose to just blend in with society, recognizing that they are smarter than others but not wanting to stand out. Socialization is more important to them and so they ignore their giftedness.
Having many passions can be confusing. It can lead in many directions. A commitment to one career over another will probably happen at some point when cognitive and emotional intelligence converge, and the decision “feels right.” The person is confident enough that continued hard work will lead to a successful career.
The environment complements nature in career success
Giftedness is a natural blessing to those who are so endowed. It provides the kernel for emergence to a rich and bountiful adult life. It occurs in just the top two or three percent of society. It provides promise of great achievement in virtually all walks of life.
But natural giftedness alone is not enough to secure adult success. Life experience is an important influence on the growth of the gifted child. It matters much how the parents, teachers, counselors, peers and others interact with the gifted child.
Will gifted children be pressured by those influential advisors? Will expectations be so high that fear of failure becomes a dominant force? Will social rejection destroy self-confidence? Will everyone wait for a child’s social maturity to match his or her intellectual maturity?
Or will the right behaviors be supported? Will the gifted child learn the habits that will carry her through the challenges of college or advanced development in a chosen field? Will the gifted child be able to socialize with like-minded peers who share special talents and challenges?
Will the gifted child be guided by the educational system that understands giftedness and encourages individual exploration and development of talent?
The right support systems at home, in school, and in the workplace will ensure that the gifted child becomes the success he or she wants to be as a well-adjusted, high-achieving, self-fulfilled adult.