You have a child, maybe more than one child, who has surprised you with his or her astonishing level of knowledge or vocabulary or general alertness to surroundings. The gifted child picks up on everything and seems to act well beyond his years.
But your child might also exhibit some troubling behaviors. He might be shy. As he grows, he may have trouble reading. He may have difficulty playing with other children. He may become selfish and want to control everything in his world.
Or your child might be simply forgetful or not organized enough. While not big problems, they can still be troublesome from time to time.
How do you react? You want to be helpful. And you want to be supportive of what appears to be giftedness. You want to help resolve the difficulties, whether behavioral or learning-related.
A good place to start is to just watch and listen.
What should you be listening for?
Learn what kind of giftedness your child may have
There is no single mold for gifted and talented children. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may be great with numbers or musical chords or vocabulary. They may have great memories and be able to converse easily with adults.
They may be bug collectors, artists or dancers. They may love science or be great at athletics. They may be great readers and be way ahead of other children their same age.
Gifted and talented children also have very different personalities and behavior characteristics. Some are outgoing and want to be leaders. They want to take control and make things happen. Others are introverted and shy and want to work by themselves. Some are quiet, and some are dramatic.
Gifted children who have advanced logic and reasoning skills show great insights and can connect concepts and facts and come to the right conclusions quickly.
Some children have a need for the details behind the answers. They may ask a lot of “whys.” They are curious, and this drives them toward exploration.
Other children are highly energetic and want to be constantly learning something. Their brains are always active and they have an insatiable appetite for acquiring new information. Their brains need stimulation.
Some children have great imaginations. They may be daydreamers and some day may become artists or poets or inventors. They may have great appreciation for humor.
Still others may have a great moral conscience and demonstrate empathy for various elements of society. They want to serve some cause that they favor.
Gifted and talented children have different skills, attitudes, motivations, and emotional states, feelings for themselves and for others. Parents need to listen to their children and learn all that they can about what kind of giftedness their children have and beyond that, what kind of personalities and emotional strengths and weaknesses they may have.
The gifted child can be very smart and very advanced in some aspect of development. But they can also have problems the parent needs to know and understand.
Learn what kind of problems gifted and talented children may have
Gifted children may have trouble in any one of a number of different areas. One typical area is social adaptability. They have trouble with relationships. They feel that they don’t fit in at school, and sometimes they try to hide their talents so they will fit in better. They want to avoid attention or being thought of as “gifted.”
Gifted and talented children want to be challenged, and have trouble with routine, repetitive assignments that they may find
If teachers don’t understand their giftedness, there can be problems between the teachers and these children who can be viewed as resisting authority. The children may be viewed as lazy, disinterested, bored, or difficult to handle.
A lack of motivation can lead to test failure and lack of achievement. When this happens, often the teachers and parents put pressure on the children to do better. And this leads to anxiety and makes matters worse for the child.
Gifted children often do not speak up to explain how they feel and why. Or, if they do speak up, their desire for perfection can be mistakenly viewed as being overly competitive and can cause problems with peers.
These children want to be perfect in everything they do. If they perceive that they are not the best in whatever class or course or program they try, they may withdraw. They always want to “win.”
When listening to your children, try to find out the real reason they drop out of a program. It may be because they are bored and not challenged enough or it may be because they aren’t “winning.” That’s where you can teach that “winning isn’t everything” although that might be difficult to convince a gifted child.
This is an example of listening to what gifted children “don’t say.” When they say they aren’t interested in continuing something, it may indicate they are very insecure.
There can also be negative feelings resulting from relationships with peers. Any sense of rejection can lead to depression and anxiety and more insecurity.
How should you be listening?
Really listening takes time. You should set aside some regular time to talk with your child and listen to your child. Some parents set aside a certain amount of time every day to share with their children. Busy parents alternate time with their children to make sure both parents are involved.
For these listening sessions, there should be no distractions like TV or cell phones. You should be able to look at each other without straining across a room. Eye contact is important.
Body language is important, too. Your child should feel that you are interested in what he or she is saying. It doesn’t work if you are reading a newspaper or reviewing some work from the office while you are listening. Your child will pick up on your insincerity.
You can nod if you agree with what is being said, or you can say “I see what you mean,” or “I agree with you,” or “I understand.”
If you don’t get what your child is saying, you can ask for clarification.
The child is looking for support and encouragement. If the child expresses a concern or bad experience, it is helpful for you to recognize it and acknowledge his or her discomfort.
If a child is failing at something, you may want to explain that failure is a part of the learning process. Many famous people failed at various jobs before they became successful. Maybe you can find some books on those people for your child to read.
Encourage your child to understand his giftedness. If your gifted child compares himself to peers, remind him that everyone is different. No one is better or worse than anyone else. Giftedness is one kind of uniqueness, but everyone has a talent or skill that makes that person special.
If you can listen attentively, offer support and encouragement, give validation to concerns, and avoid making judgements, and help your child understand his gifts, he will improve his or her self-confidence and sense of self-worth. It’s a great first step to helping your gifted child grow.