It’s enough of a challenge for parents and educators of gifted children to meet their academic and intellectual needs. Many gifted children might be socially awkward because they develop asynchronously from their peers. They might not mesh well with their peer group at exactly the time when group identity and acceptance become a focus. Additionally, bullies tend to target those who are different or those of whom they are envious. Gifted children, who are already set apart from the rest of their age group, might experience bullying more than their average peers.
If a gifted child in your life is being bullied, here are four ways to help.
1.) Document Events and Conversations
Adults can help a bullied child by keeping records of developing bully trends. This form of self-protection is especially useful if the bullying has escalated to the point at which law enforcement must intervene.
While it might not be easy to gather the full details of an event where an adult might not have been present, evidence of severe physical bullying usually presents itself. For example, if a child consistently comes home from school with fresh bruises or cuts, a parent may suspect bullying. Photographing the injuries or preserving receipts from doctor’s visits will help school officials and teachers track the situation. Speaking to eyewitnesses of bullying events, if there were any, is important as well.
Not all bullying, however, is physical. Some children are verbally abused by their peers. If this is the case, keep records of phrases that were used, as well as where and when the bullying took place. This will assist in proving trends of aggression. If a child is cyberbullied, copy or download the photos, forums, social media accounts, or websites involved in the incident(s). Screenshots are essential, especially for “temporary” forms of social media like gaming chats or data-erasing apps such as Snapchat.
Finally, helping the bullied child to record what happened, either in writing, via video statement, or in an audio recording, can help build his or her case to outside authorities. Do so without the presence of any other students who might have been involved. Establishing facts early is essential in helping to cement memories and preventing the corruption of details over time. Children who are artistically gifted may prefer to draw, paint, or digitize events.
2.) Speak to School Authorities
It is vital to understand as much as you can about a bullying event or trend before discussing it with a child’s teacher or administrator. Your child’s school might have a bullying policy in place. Review this to see which staff member is the best one to contact if you suspect your child has been bullied.
Gather as much evidence as you can, from as many people as possible. If stories from eyewitnesses are conflicting, take this into account. Ensure that all sides of the story have been presented. For example, your child might claim that another student shoved him or her on the playground. What your child might have left out is that he or she ran into him first while trying to catch a ball. Finding out as much context as you can is essential; not only in reporting the problem, but in helping to find a solution.
It is terrible as it is to have a child who is suffering at the hands of a bully. But having a calm, nonjudgmental demeanor will not only assist you in establishing the credibility of your report, it will also model proper behavior for your gifted child. Screaming insults or acting in anger might be your first instinct, but it won’t help your child or other parents who might be trying to solve the same problem.
3.) Focus on Constructive Responses
Some gifted children, especially those who are analytical or tuned in to others’ emotions, might freeze up or become overwhelmed in a bullying situation. Speaking to the child in a peaceful, nonthreatening environment about how to constructively address the situation can help.
If children take part in their own defense, they may feel more confident and engaged. Working within a child’s giftedness will not only bolster his or her confidence, it can assist the child in finding new ways to express him or herself. For example, students who are verbally gifted might work on such non-escalating responses as “Please leave me alone” or “You have a different opinion, and that’s fine.”
While some might be tempted to use their gifts to humiliate or embarrass their bullies, gifted children should be cautioned to not engage them in a battle of wits or retribution, online or otherwise. Emphasize that becoming bullies themselves will not make for a peaceful school environment where everyone can feel safe.
4.) Work on Confidence and Self-Empowerment
Despite their giftedness, some exceptional children suffer from low self-esteem. They may feel self-conscious because they are already different from their peers, or because they feel that their gift has created unrealistic expectations in the adults around them. Helping a child feel more assured not only encourages him or her to develop self-esteem outside their giftedness, it can help make them more well-rounded adults.
Gifted children may have been bullied from an early age and might already be suffering from damaged self-image. Helping a child feel more confident will assist them in being more assertive before bullies. In a neutral environment, they can practice standing up straight, making eye contact, and discerning when it’s best to disengage.
Gifted students who may be more prone to “overthinking” the world around them, especially if they don’t understand a complex social issue such as bullying, might especially fall into self-blame and a victim mentality. Encourage action and acceptance based on who the child is, not his or her social standing or giftedness. In this way, adults who care for or teach gifted students can help not only protect them from bullying but assist them in becoming self-confident adults.
