You believe you have a gifted child. She likes to read and is quick to learn, picks up new words easily, and doesn’t miss a thing in the world around her. She seems older than she really is.
She also gets angry sometimes, and she gets frustrated when she makes mistakes. Her disappointment leads to sulking and hints of despair. She may argue with brothers or sisters, and you’re finding out that she doesn’t have too many friends.
How do you handle such a young person? How do you help her learn and have fun? How do you help her to get along better with friends and siblings? How do you get her ready for school and a formal education? How do you help her handle those disappointments?
There are some areas you can focus on and some specific things you can do to make her life a lot more enjoyable while increasing her chances of success at school. Here are a few suggestions.
Listening to your gifted child builds self-respect
The first thing to do is spend some time alone with your child and get to know her better. Try to make some time on a regular basis to get together without the other kids in your family and without your cell phone or the TV to distract you. It is important for you to hear what is important to her.
Attentive listening can show respect for your child’s uniqueness. It can show you respect her ideas and opinions, perhaps expressed differently from her brothers or sisters. Listen to her dreams and wishes.
You shouldn’t worry too much about her fitting in or doing things like other members of the family or like other children she may be playing with. She is different, and you both should celebrate that difference. Appreciate her for who she is. Validate her concerns and talk about how to handle them.
In listening to your gifted child, find out what her passions are. What subject does she like to study? Is it something in the environment? Is it mathematical in nature? Is it music? Does she like to draw or design or build or teach others?
Once you learn those passions, help your child explore them with trips to a local museum or library. Take her to a crafts store or a children’s theater or a play at the local high school. These experiences will spark discussion, fuel imagination and add momentum to further learning.
Talking to your gifted child spurs interest and confidence
Your gifted child wants to learn. She is interested in everything around her. She likes to be challenged with questions and puzzles and mysteries. She wants to think out of the box – and probably doesn’t even know there is a box of traditional thinking and problem-solving.
Ask your child her opinions on events and activities. Ask her “what do you think would happen in this situation?” Open ended questions are better than “yes/no” questions. Don’t be afraid to use more sophisticated words. She knows more than you think. She will ask you to explain anything she doesn’t understand.
Gifted children learn words by hearing them in context. If she hears the words “measuring tape” being used in a workshop setting to measure the length of a piece of wood, she will get the idea. Some parents with workshops describe all the tools they use, and their gifted children learn tool names and applications very quickly.
The same can be said for cooking in the kitchen. Gifted children love to know what different utensils are for. They love to learn about recipes and cooking processes. You might ask the question, “How do we change this recipe to serve eight people instead of four?” See what steps your child would take to make that change.
Talking to your gifted child as a person with unique thoughts and ideas will help her build confidence and learn how to express herself better, and maybe reduce her frustrations in communicating with peers or teachers later on.
Reading to your gifted child opens doors of imagination
Parents who love to read are great models for their gifted children. Reading can become contagious in a reading family. Parents encourage reading by keeping books visible on shelves, in baskets, and on coffee tables. Perhaps there is a group of books on the child’s bookcase in her bedroom.
Reading together provides vocabulary development, stirs the imagination, and provides the warmth of cuddling on a couch or bed or sitting by a fireplace. Kids need to be cuddled.
Encouraging your child to read is a building block of learning because gifted children can absorb a great amount of information. Access to a variety of books and stories is fundamental to success in school. Reading helps the brain develop connections among bits of information in a child’s world, facilitating a better understanding of life in general.
Reading assists the child with accumulating and integrating information from many different areas including science, art and drama. It teaches children about successes and failures, what is expected and what surprises. It teaches flexibility and recovery from mistakes. It shows how relationships can develop over time. It teaches some great life lessons through reading the stories of others in history.
Praising efforts – not results –encourages hard work
Don’t judge your gifted child by the number of trophies or ribbons or even grades in school. Don’t talk about your child as being smart. Talk about her as being a problem solver. Congratulate her on working hard. It is the process and the effort, not the performance that is important. If she is learning to work hard at solving problems, then she is learning a valuable lesson that will make her successful not only at school but in a career in general.
Children who are praised for solving problems do better in school than children who were just called smart. They are more motivated and less likely to be frustrated when they face difficulty. Parents should recognize their children for finding new solutions rather than getting high grades.
Becoming an advocate removes obstacles
Parents of gifted children should become their children’s advocates. Parents should learn all they can about giftedness and how it applies to their children. It is helpful to get testing and assessments of gifted children to validate their unique intelligence and skills. Contacting teachers and school officials can make sure the educational system is welcoming and can plan for the children’s special learning requirements.
Getting in touch with other families of gifted children will enable parents to share experiences, resources, successes and failures. Having the children interact with each other will boost their confidence and help them with social skills.
Taking a personal interest in working with your child as well as the teachers and others in similar situations will ensure the best opportunities for your gifted child to thrive now and in the future.
