Bullying has gone from stealing lunch money and pulling pigtails to more serious crimes like harassment and cyberbullying that face young people today. It can take many forms, from physical threats to psychological and emotional warfare. It can lead to a life of depression and anxiety and in the most severe cases, suicide.
So, what do you do if you find your child is expressing some of the behaviors that you find different or strange, and you wonder what has changed in his or her life? Is she suddenly moody, or acting withdrawn? Does she no longer want to go to school? Does she say she doesn’t want to go a certain class? Are her grades suddenly down? Is she being bullied?
Have a talk with your child
The first thing to do is sit down with your child and have a discussion. Try to find out as much as you can – without adding more anxiety. Explain that whatever is happening is not your child’s fault. It is important for you to bolster your child’s self-confidence at a time where it is probably very fragile.
Showing your support will strengthen the parent-child bond and turn a negative into a positive. Having someone on their side, someone to talk to, can help reduce their anxiety and feelings of helplessness that may stem from being bullied.
Help your child take positive steps
Discuss with your child some things she can do to address the situation of bullying. Tell her to not respond to any bullying actions. Show the bully that these actions are not having an effect on her.
Tell your child to be careful with calls, emails and texts. Ask her to answer only those communications from people and numbers she knows.
Ask her to save call numbers, emails and texts without responding. These can be evidence for reporting the bullying to school officials or law agencies.
Ask your child to remove personal contact information on social websites and change any privacy settings.
Ask your child how she feels about you contacting the bully’s parents. Some children are OK with this; other children feel it may make the situation worse for them.
Suggest that your child get away from electronic media for a while. Stay off social sites and away from the computer at home. Hang out with friends outside of school. Get involved in other activities like sports or exercise, yoga classes, meditation, reading, or some performance interest like music or dancing. Any of these will reduce stress.
There is more to life than a laptop and a cell phone.
Take some actions yourself
After you have had some discussion with your child, what steps should you consider as a parent to take action and protect your child from further abuse?
The first thing to do is to contact school officials – teachers, administrators, school psychologists or social workers, school nurses, guidance counselors or anyone else you think should know about the situation and anyone you think can help put a stop to the bullying.
You also want school officials to be aware of how the bullying is affecting your child so they understand why grades may be down, or why your child has suddenly lost interest or focus on school subjects.
Contact the parents of the bully and have a frank discussion. They may be totally unaware of the situation, and getting their support can be crucial to stopping their child from continuing the negative behavior of bullying.
Once you have made the bully’s parents aware of the situation, they can no longer plead ignorance and can be held accountable to some extent for their child’s continuing actions.
If the bullying includes physical violence or inappropriate sexual messages or actions, you should report this to local police. There are laws governing harassment and bullying, and violations can lead to criminal prosecution.
Mentioning this to the bully’s parents may at the very least get their attention.
Become a resource for anti-bullying
Once you are aware of the environment where harassment or bullying is occurring without awareness or penalty from responsible adults, you can become involved as a reporter and advocate of social equality.
Attend any appropriate school meetings on the subject. Find out what anti-bullying programs they may have. Do some research on your own. Learn how these activities can affect children for years, even for a lifetime.
Another thing you can do is talk to other parents about the conditions that allow bullying. Are they seeing the same thing? Are they aware or are they in the dark? Ask for their opinions and suggestions. Tell them what you are considering.
There can be strength in numbers. If all parents are aware of the issues affecting their children’s health and safety – not to mention school performance – then bullying will have less of a chance to “be hidden.” No parent will feel embarrassed to bring it up or share feelings or take action.
It is every parent’s responsibility to be on the lookout for any signs your child is being bullied, and to take care of the child’s needs first, followed by a responsible call to action to prevent it from happening again – to any child.
