Albert Einstein said he failed 99 times out of 100. But that 100th time, he succeeded. Perseverance is important for gifted individuals, both adults or children.
Today, we all get frustrated too soon. This is especially true when we have so much immediate access to the media, to computers and electronics, video games and cell phones – all of which give us instant gratification.
We try to save money or lose weight or get healthy and expect immediate results even though these programs take time and effort. The time is perseverance. The effort is grit.
Both are needed by gifted children, when they are facing tasks and situations for which they are not well prepared. They look to adults for advice, support, and direction.
What can we do to support the grit and perseverance that gifted children need? Educators and researchers have come up with many valuable suggestions. Here are a few.
Praise Effort, Not Outcome
This suggestion is made a lot by professionals working with gifted children. The tendency for most people is to recognize gifted kids for their high intelligence or fantastic memories. But what is important is the effort, not just what is produced by inherent talent.
Give your child some maxims to help maintain progress. “If you don’t succeed, try and try again,” for example. Or “Practice makes progress” (not “perfect”). Or “I can do this.”
The work ethic will lead to life-long success in any future endeavor. The effort to do better and improve oneself will reduce frustration levels. The examples are everywhere, from Olympic athletes to great concert performers, to great artists and successful business people. All of them work hard at what they do. Although they may appear to be “instant stars,” they are far from that.
Perfection should not be the goal but merely the reflection of great effort, grit,and perseverance.
Focus on Independence
Independence goes along with effort. While you and others can provide support and encouragement, it is the gifted child who must make the decisions and take the actions that will lead to growth, development, and success. You cannot do the work for the child.
Parents tend to over-protect their children, and the children don’t have the chance to gain confidence from learning to handle things for themselves. These parents are sometimes called “helicopter parents” because they are always hovering. The best thing to do is stop controlling and start coaching.
Teach Self-Encouragement
Being independent and facing hurdles is a challenge that is difficult to overcome. Parents can encourage children to keep at it, to have grit and perseverance. But that is extrinsic motivation. When the child is on his or her own, the motivation has to come from within. The child needs self-encouragement, the will to succeed, the self-confidence to overcome the odds, the recognition that if he or she works hard enough, the result will be positive.
Failure is not the end of the road. In fact, it is a part of the journey. Parents should even allow their gifted child to fail so that the child can learn to be resilient and overcome disappointment.
Model Grit and Perseverance
A majority of researches seem to indicate that gifted children need models in their lives. They tend to be very observant and aware of everything around them. Seeing adults persevere and keep working toward a goal is a great model for them to emulate
You as a parent should discuss some of the things you are trying to accomplish and talk about some of the difficulties you are facing – but in a way that shows you are confident of solving those difficulties. Show that you are not fearing failure and that you know you can overcome whatever happens. Show your own positive self-image.
Saying, “I can do this” will translate to the same attitude in your children. Seeing that you have a positive outlook will strengthen your child’s optimism and spur confidence in being able to solve problems without fearing the challenges and possible failures.
Create Achievable Challenges and Goals
Create manageable challenges for your child. Provide a framework for growth. Show how to do something or discuss a strategy. Let the child do the work. Provide support along the way if needed, but only as an assist, not a “takeover.”
Resist the temptation to step in and take over. That will have a negative impact on your child’s self-esteem and confidence. Let the child learn from making mistakes and point out that everyone makes them, even you.
You don’t want to walk away and let the child fail and have that failure be the end of the lesson. And you don’t want to step in and be the reason for the success. The child either succeeds on his or her own or fails and learns from the failure – with your help and encouragement.
You should also be careful not to push too hard or overschedule activities. Give your child time to finish one activity before starting another. Allow time just to have fun and enjoy childhood. Adult pressures will come soon enough.
Show and Express Empathetic Understanding
Your child will encounter frustration and failure along the way. He or she will become discouraged. Rather than jumping in to solve the problem yourself, it is better to empathize with your child’s plight. You could say” I’m sorry you feel that way and I totally understand.” Or you might say “I’m sorry this is so hard for you. It would be hard for anyone.” Or you could say, “This isn’t going as we expected, is it?” Communicating your compassion is important during any difficult period.
Gifted children go through a lot as they learn to recognize and use their talents in a world that doesn’t quite understand them or make it any easier to discover, explore, and develop those talents.
Children with gifts and possibly with learning difficulties, too, are on a natural collision course with non-gifted children and traditional educational institutions. Society, in general, doesn’t know how to cope with those gifted individuals who need room and opportunity to reach further than their average peers.
So, gifted and talented children need to do more than learn to spread their wings. They need to become responsible for their own success, to become aware of the problems they will be facing, to learn how to overcome them, and to become independent and confident enough to reach their full potential on their own.
