If your gifted child, like many other exceptional children, shows increased sensitivities to his or her surroundings, the months of November through January can seem like an obstacle course of assaulting sounds, sights, smells, and people. Since some gifted children process stimulation differently, what is exciting to other children might be frightening or overwhelming to them, especially if their schedules are constantly in upheaval, they are exposed to food they don’t normally eat, and travel is required.
Some planning ahead and clear communication of what may lie ahead for your gifted child can help everyone navigate the holidays as calmly as possible.
Avoid Overscheduling for Your Gifted Child
During the holidays, it’s tempting to cram in every available moment of magic. However, this can easily overwhelm a sensitive child, leading to meltdowns which might embarrass the parent, exhaust the child, and alienate siblings. That doesn’t sound like peace on Earth and goodwill towards men.
A good way around this is to ask the children in your family which family or community events are most important to them, emphasizing you may not be able to attend them all. The values you wish to impart to your children is important in this process; if none of them want to attend religious services but you (and your spouse) consider this mandatory, have a conversation with all of your children about why. Include the gifted child in these discussions, especially if he or she has questions about the decision process. Gifted children especially usually want to understand reasoning and motivation; a simple “because I said so” is usually a recipe for an argument or tantrum.
Once you know which events your family would like to attend, make a schedule of them as far ahead as possible. Separate as much as you can. If a tree lighting, a skating party, and a concert are shoved into a single day, it’s likely too much for a sensitive child. Pick and choose carefully.
Know and Plan Ahead for Potential Food Sensitivities
If your gifted child is food sensitive – for example, if you think that an overload of sugar leads to hyperactivity or know you child won’t touch eggnog because he or she can’t stand the smell—try to plan in advance. If possible, speak to hosts about what will be served, then communicate this information to the child.
In the event your child cannot handle much sugar, for example, explain ahead of time that your child may choose one cookie at a party, or have one piece of pie at a holiday dinner, and then you will have similar snacks along that are calmer for him or her. Outlawing favorite foods entirely is rarely a good idea; any child will chafe under such restrictions, and gifted children especially, who usually have a heightened sense of morality, might feel singled out and that they are being treated unjustly. This is, again, asking for upset.
Your hosts—or even you—may be serving food which your child does not like due to textures, smells, or appearance. If this is the case, prepare the child as much as possible and create alternative arrangements, if possible. This doesn’t necessarily mean that a gifted child may feast on McDonald’s while his or her cousins push roast beef around their plates. Explain to your child, for example, that your host will be serving peas, but you child does not have to eat them; he or she can have the celery instead.
If you are concerned the entire meal might seem overwhelming to the child, consider preparing a filler meal at home, such as a comforting and normal peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The child may then participate in the meal with the others, but eating foods which he or she does not find upsetting, such as a roll or two.
If Necessary, Temporarily Separate From Smells, Noise and People
This goes hand in hand with trying to keep a gifted child’s schedule as calm and normal as possible during the holidays. You know your child’s sensitivities and signals; watch for them. Schedule breaks from crowds and overexcitement. For example, if your family is touring holiday displays at an amusement park, avoid pushing through the entire exhibit to “make time.”
Adorable and fancy outfits might look cute, but they can be torture for your sensitive child, especially if they are new or stiff. The wool sweater and itchy tulle skirt look nice for a picture, but if you’re fighting with your child to keep it on, you probably won’t have the best memories while looking at the photograph. If, for example, your child has a favorite red shirt and will be much more comfortable wearing it despite her sister’s adorable green dress, work with that preference.
Consider taking a break once an hour to sit and appreciate the lights, go inside to warm up with some hot chocolate, or even sit in the car for a few minutes. Holidays often mean people, people, and more people, and that might be one person too many for a gifted child, especially one who is visually gifted, emotionally intense, or prefers to process internally. Overstimulation does not usually make for good family memories.
Lean into Your Child’s Giftedness
If your child prefers the company of adults, he or she may chafe at sitting at the kiddie table. If he or she has declared him or herself an atheist and refuses to take part in religious celebrations, invite him or her to research the historical background of such events. Working with, rather than against, your child and his or her exceptionalism is key in settling in the whole family during this often-stressful time.
It’s all right to let your easily-overstimulated child to withdraw occasionally from family parties or major events. Having favorite books, programs, and headphones available can help immensely in an overcrowded airport or class party. Finding a quiet room or a corner to curl up with a pet can save an entire evening or weekend for the whole family.
