The concept of discipline is often misconstrued to mean something punitive. In contrast to punishment – which is delivered after the fact, and is intended to cause discomfort – discipline actually refers to the ongoing shaping of behavior. Martial arts skills, for instance, are considered a discipline, as practitioners are expected to slowly build their skills toward mastery of the craft.
As the parent of a gifted child, one of the most important tasks that you will have is to discipline your child toward mastery of life. While many advanced topics and skills tend to come easily to them, the importance of compliance with basic, fundamental, aspects of daily living often tend to elude. It is our job, as parents, to ensure that our gifted children become just as proficient at navigating the mundanity of life as they are proficient at applying curiosity and innovation. Arming ourselves with knowledge about the best way to go about this task can make our jobs much easier. The following are some tricks of the trade when it comes to discipline strategies for gifted children.
Present Limited Options
For many gifted children, part of the gift involves being able to see an endless set of possibilities. Gifted children tend to chase down every rabbit hole, and often only for the sake of seeing how far down it goes. An endless list of “why” questions can exhaust even the most enthusiastic parent, and explaining every directive in down to its core value isn’t often a sustainable approach.
As a preemptive move for avoiding the interrogation as to what makes your directive valid, consider presenting instructions as a set of choices. This is the same technique that is recommended for use with toddlers, which our gifted older children can sometimes surprise us by acting like during times of disagreement. The tactic involves close-ended requests, consisting of two or three different options.
This technique offers a gifted child the opportunity to hash out the details of the most desirable course of action for themselves, while leaving the parent free to move on to other tasks. It works best in tandem with setting if-then constraints. If little Johnny wants to be able to play video games today, then he must either (A) clean his room, (B) clean the guest bathroom, or (C) take out all the garbage. Why he must do so tends to become less important as the day wears on, and no desirable activities are able to be undertaken. A practical way to phrase this type of directive is to ask Johnny if he would like to clean the bedroom, or clean the bathroom, before playing. Any other option is off the table.
Provide Adequate Stimulation
The bane of existence for a gifted child is to be bored. The gifted brain is a ravenous creature, and tends to demand input at all hours of the day. Failing to supply this stimulation can result in extreme discomfort, which can manifest as anxiety, tears, and anger. While a normal child may be fine with looking out of the window of a car during a long drive, the gifted child may feel like a lion trapped in a cage.
When you are able to foresee the scenario of your gifted child being understimulated, difficult situations can be avoided, entirely, by working in some intellectual distractions. Doctor office waits can be endured with completing word puzzles or reading a good book. Adult social events can be tolerated with a tablet or hand-held gaming system.
This intellectual distraction from boredom is best when viewed as a supplement to first ensuring that your child implements manners, such as greeting those around and returning conversational cues. Your goal is to teach them how to interact with their mundane environment, while simultaneously teaching them how to keep that brain-beast fed.
Impart Strategies for Emotional Self-Control
The ability to exercise self-control is fundamental for survival in our social environment. Our gifted children are already outliers from the herd. Assisting them toward being able to be viewed as leaders and respected members of the community – rather than social outcasts – requires that we ensure that they are able to self-monitor.
The first step in disciplining our children toward self-restraint is to model it, ourselves. If we are allowing our frustrations to manifest as yelling, insulting others, or isolating, the likelihood of our gifted children following suit is high. It is helpful to keep in mind that social intelligence is something that many gifted children struggle with, and that you are their strongest example of what it needs to consist of. Having a mentor to mimic toward interactions of calm speech, unflustered responses, and use of manners is paramount for their own social development.
The concept of a “time out” is often applied in situations where a child is not reacting in an acceptable manner. Children who are not exercising self-control are sent to a solitary location, where they are expected to calm down and think about better ways to approach the situation. The downside of this technique, as it applies to gifted children, is that their brains and emotions are not very likely to change course in the absence of contrary input. They are more likely to stew in that corner than to emerge with a cognitive conception of genuine repentance.
In place of simply isolating a gifted child who is not reacting well, consider teaching them mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness is often employed by those who are in the martial arts. It is a way to maintain intellectual stimulation, while simultaneously bringing emotions under control. When our emotional responses are kept in check, our minds are able to respond with more applicable solutions to a problem.
For the gifted child, applying mindfulness means that they are learning to accept that they are experiencing negative emotions, without feeling a need to immediately respond to them. It can become a cognitive exercise, in itself, to engage in introspection and uncover the link between thoughts and the emotional reactions which accompany stressors. Mindfulness does not teach the gifted child to change his or her unique experience, but to accept it for what it is.
