You may at some point notice – or perhaps you hear from a relative or a teacher that your child is very smart, and may even be what has been called “gifted.” How are you going to deal with such a surprise? What you decide, how you spend your discretionary time, will go a long way to determining the future growth and development of your gifted child.
Parents can handle this situation in one of three ways. Some are not only proud, but really “over proud” to the extent that they view their gifted children as exhibits or some kind of recognition that they (the parents) are special. They have a new status symbol to talk about.
These “proud papa” parents recognize that their gifted children are special but don’t see the need to get involved other than to make sure the school knows that they are the family with the prodigy.
Another group of parents are just the opposite. They are living in denial, not acknowledging that their children are different or special. They don’t consider it important enough to worry about and put other family issues first.
The third group is the concerned parents who recognize that their children are gifted, and that as parents they have an awesome responsibility to do all they can to learn about and nurture those gifts and support their children.
Hopefully, you will be the kind of parent who will realize the importance of finding time to spend with your gifted children, because they will have a lot of questions, feelings, behaviors and interests that are very different from other children their ages.
They need you to be a responsible filter to help them make the right decisions about their unique skills, knowledge and abilities and how it all relates to “normal children” and their brothers and sisters.
Why spend special time with them?
Gifted children are not as self-sufficient as they may appear to be. They have needs like any other children. They need parents for direction and support especially when they start to notice they are different from other children.
Build self-esteem
Gifted children are often shy and not comfortable with siblings or classmates. They are sometimes ridiculed for being different, for being too smart or for being too preoccupied with their special interest. These children need to feel that they are not better off or worse off than their peers – just different.
Learn and support their gifts
It is important for you to learn what it is that makes your children gifted. Is it an academic skill, one of logic or mathematics, or is it one of the arts like music, dance or drawing? Is it their advanced level of reading or ability to use an adult vocabulary in communicating with adults and older children?
Whatever the gift, only by understanding it can you as a parent prepare the way for that gift to be further developed, whether in school or after school or at home. Give your children opportunities to use their gifts, share with them their enjoyment and fascination with it and become their advocate with all the people they meet.
Share feelings
Gifted children have concerns and sometimes disabilities that go hand in hand with giftedness. They might not try hard at something because the seek perfection and don’t want to fail. They may not want to succeed because they will look superior to their friends or classmates.
It would be helpful to ask these children how they feel and why they think the way they do. Offer explanations and express that their feelings are natural. Share your pride in what they are doing.
Provide guidelines
Gifted children might be so focused on a given talent or project that they don’t see the future. You as the parent can talk about what might be different in school, or that there may be a different school involved, not the one they expect to attend.
You can advise them of how to deal with classmates and friends who may not understand them. And should they have some challenges like reading or inability to organize or focus, you can help them with ideas or practice.
Where do you find the time?
Parents are busy these days. Quite often, both parents work all day. Or one parent works and the other parent takes care of the children, possibly several children. There are many situations where a single parent must do both – work and take care of the children. Discretionary time is a rare and valuable commodity.
However, there are ways to find the time needed to spend with your gifted child, some more familiar than others.
Help with homework
Certainly spending time working with your children on homework not only helps them but helps you understand how they are doing. You can help them think through problem situations, or if they jump ahead to solutions, discuss their reasoning. It’s also a good time to talk about real-world applications, because many courses and programs for gifted children do focus on these real situations.
Do some reading at night
Gifted children are often creative and imaginative. You can provide books with fascinating stories and read with them. This works especially well for younger children. You can find time, maybe after homework, to share some reading time.
Take a walk or share a sport
Exercise is good for everyone. Many parents go to the local gym for exercise. Why not exchange a gym trip for a walk around the block or at a local park with your gifted children? There are many natural sights and sounds to experience, as well as time to discuss any private concerns or apprehensions they may have.
Riding bikes together can be a similar experience for you to share thoughts and feelings with your children. It isn’t just a physical activity, but a mental one as well.
There are also opportunities to share sports activities. If your gifted children are not inclined to join school sports, there is always the back yard or front yard where you can kick a soccer ball or play catch. It is the time you spend, rather than the activity itself, that is most important here.
Bake a cake
Kitchens provide great places for learning and sharing. Gifted children enjoy new experiences. When are baking a cake, you can discuss the recipe and ingredients with your gifted children. If you are making a meal for four people, ask your gifted child how to change the recipe to serve eight or 12 people.
Taking your gifted children along on a shopping trip can also spur some creative thinking, whether it is for groceries or some new clothes.
If your child is very young, something as simple as drawing or playing a simple game, or even playing with blocks can signal your care for how they think and feel. There is nothing like a “play partner” to make learning and sharing fun.
Take in a play or concert
Support your gifted child’s imagination and possible love of the arts by scheduling a trip to a play or a concert. Being part of an audience for a live performance will give the child a new appreciation for the art form and perhaps provide more motivation to advance his or her own skills and talents in the arts.
Family movie nights also provide valuable experiences, not only from the movie subject but also from the interplay of family members and to help counter what may be sibling rivalry. Giftedness can cause a problem among siblings, and parents need to treat all their children equally – but differently.
The pressures of everyday life leave little precious time to spend with your children. But the decisions you make today on how to spend that precious time will help shape the kind of adult your child will become.
Gifted children, especially, need their parents to help them understand why they are different and how to navigate a world that may not appreciate them as it should. This is the awesome responsibility you now have as a gifted parent.
