This article is about balancing kids and work during the summer. While a lot of these kinds of articles talk about “working moms,” the advice really applies to men as well as women. It is meant to reduce the stress that comes from feelings of guilt associated with time away from the family and to keep family relationships strong through the difficult years of parenting and working.
Here are some tips for keeping that balance.
First, let’s start with the moms. According to the Center for American Progress, women now make up half of all workers in the United States. The successful women find ways to be effective and efficient in both worlds – family and work.
And this requires coming to terms with choices and focusing on priorities, according to Lisa Pierson Weinberger, an attorney and founder of the Law Practice Mom, Esq. There will be good days and bad days, and mothers should discuss their feelings with their partners and with support groups like other mothers in the same situation.
Daycare Is Critical
Both moms and dads should check their network of family and friends for references to babysitters, nannies, and daycare providers. Try to hire caregivers with long histories and long-term associations with and commitments to families.
A good childcare provider should have a lot of experience with children of similar ages, excellent references, and a proof of both. A good daycare facility should have a low teacher-to-student ratio, outdoor space for recreation, current licenses, and employees whose backgrounds have been thoroughly checked and verified.
Parents should schedule a paid playdate for their kids with the potential nanny – maybe include some of the kids’ playmates – to see how the nanny interacts with the children in a less formal setting.
Talking with the kids after a day with the nanny can do a couple of things. It can reinforce the job that the nanny is doing or raise issues the parents should know. It will give the children and parents a chance to interact and exchange points of views. It provides a measure of context for working parents to sit down with their kids at the end of the day without having to think up topics.
Get Others Involved
Moms can consult local mom blogs like Working moms against guilt, to reach out to others with similar responsibilities and challenges.
See if there are neighbors in the same situation and share ideas and timetables. Ask your spouse to get involved with activities and childcare. Maybe he or she can take over for an hour here and there or take the kids to the park or another recreational site. Road trips are great when there’s time – for all the family members.
Don’t forget going over the fields and through the woods to grandmother’s house. Grandparents would love to spend time with their grandkids. They may not have the abilities to spend extended time and care but for brief periods and scheduled visits, time with grandma can be extra special. There are often surprises involved like cookies or gardening.
Make Time for the Kids, Activities
Nurture your family and spend as much time together as possible. Have a family night and go to a movie or play table games or watch a movie together. Ask the kids for their ideas and support them. It’s not about quantity of time; it’s about the quality of time.
Make your home a hangout for not only your kids but their friends as well. If your home has some special characteristic, use it to your advantage for entertaining your kids’ friends. A swimming pool will give everyone a great place to hang out it the summer. A large backyard will facilitate sports or outdoor group activities. A garden can offer a great way to work on growing plants and flowers as a group project.
If you have a lot of books or board games, art or craft supplies, outdoor games, or a pantry full of supplies and a mother or father who likes to cook and will gladly show the kids how to make the cookies, snacks or desserts they will love. And it will teach them life skills as well. Activities can be done when the parent is home and available.
Bridge the Gap With Family Trips
That family trip or vacation is a chance to get away from the stresses of work and the daily routine of housework and family chores. Camping and fishing trips can allow family members to see each other in refreshingly different and natural settings to share stories and adventures.
Trips to museums and art galleries, concerts, holiday celebrations, ball games, and recitals are ways to build relationships and create lasting memories.
Planning Is Key (for the Day, Week, Year)
Know ahead of time what special events are important to your children the next day. If you cannot be with them, try to connect in some way. Give them a good luck charm or see if someone can video the event for you to see later and discuss with your children later.
Try to spend some time at breakfast together, even to greet each other and wish one another a “good day.” Dinner together is just as important. Parents should try to spend as many dinners with their children as possible for bonding.
Any meal should be enjoyed without cell phones or reading the paper or checking reports or files. Put away the distractions for this quality time. It’s brief and very valuable.
During the day, stay connected with your kids. Find some time to check with the babysitter or daycare facility and with the kids themselves if they are old enough.
Look at the week ahead so you are up to speed on any special event your child is looking forward to – anything planned by the babysitter or daycare center, or a birthday or holiday, or maybe a visit from a family relative.Talk about it and discuss something your kids can do to get ready.
If the work week will be especially tough for you, explain that to your kids and tell them how you will make up for any lost time with them. They may be dismayed or disappointed, but at least you are being honest and giving them something to look forward to.
Allow Time for Yourself, Your Partner
Being away from your kids is stressful. Being with them and trying to make up for your absence is stressful. Make sure you take some time for yourself, with an occasional spa treatment or a golf outing or some other personal obsession. Take that warm bath and read that book at bedtime.
Spend time with your partner so you both will support each other, share ideas, and just enjoy each other without worrying about the kids. You deserve some fun, too.
