We tend to gravitate toward those with whom we have things in common with. It may be that we share the same perspective on certain matters, or that we share enthusiasm for certain activities and interests. The fact that only around 10% of students are recognized as gifted can make the task of finding someone to share such things with a difficulty. Gifted children tend to see the world differently than those around them, and their interests in matters often extend far beyond those of their peers.
No matter how gifted a child may be, most will still need the same, basic, affirmations which are gained through effective socialization. Humans are social creatures, by design, and friendship lets us know that we are loved and accepted. Being included within a society provides us with primitive assurance that we will make it in the world. As parents, it is often up to us to ensure that our little ones learn the social skills necessary to obtain this basic need. The following are some teaching areas for helping our gifted children to make friends with their peers.
Tip #1: Teach Them That Rational Intelligence Isn’t the Only Valuable Trait
Gifted children can tend to be very confident in their assessments. They are so often correct in their areas of expertise, that they can begin to think that they are always correct. One of the ways that this can backfire is when the gifted child is of the mindset that being technically correct is the only thing that is valuable in an interaction.
It is self-apparent that the world doesn’t run on raw intelligence, alone. Since the development of the IQ test in the early 1900’s, several other theories of what constitutes intelligence have emerged. Social intelligence has even received its own category, as the ability to make – and keep – friends can provide benefits such as improved mental and physical health, and can provide the child with ongoing networking opportunities. Some gifted children may even find that they have a leg-up in this area, once they begin to explore it, as they will be able to apply their scientific processes to the art of effective socialization.
Along with social intelligence are additional categories of prowess, such as kinetic skill; musical abilities; and the ability to communicate well. Teach your gifted child to appreciate these varying strengths and skills that they can observe in others, and they are more likely to find reciprocal admirers, themselves.
Tip #2: Teach Them to Be Mindful of the Insecurity of Others
This area of social skill involves the invocation of empathy. Some gifted children – particularly those on the Autism spectrum – may have more difficulty with this concept than others. But, believe it or not, not all people enjoy being in the presence of someone smarter than they are.
Ideally, your child will want to find friends who appreciate the gifts that your child has been endowed with. While on the long journey of gathering that cohort of lifelong pals, however, your child is likely to encounter several instances of peer resistance toward his or her differences. Most children do not yet possess the ability for deep introspection or humble honesty, and their instincts toward differences can incite them to be plain mean. Their insecurity over their own inabilities can manifest as cruelty and ostracization for our gifted kiddos.
Being ostracized for being smart can wreak havoc on the gifted child’s psyche, particularly as he or she nears the tender developmental stage of puberty. Some will even resort to hiding their abilities, or will begin isolating from others. In order to provide your gifted child with the best chance of a successful journey of social integration, be sure to prepare him or her with the knowledge of why – and how – such negative reactions from peers can be generated.
Gifted children can be guided in how to express their enthusiasm and abilities in ways that takes into account the insecurity of others, and can be guided in protecting themselves from undue backlash.
Developing a sense of humor can work wonders in this area. The ability to find humor in otherwise uncomfortable situations, and even a healthy measure of ability to utilize self-debasement, can turn dissenters into admirers. When we have the ability to poke some fun at ourselves, the ammunition for others to do so is diminished.
Tip #3: Teach Them To Appreciate Quality Over Quantity
When it comes to social connections, our current society has a way of emphasizing quantity over quality. We talk about how many online “friends” we have, even though we probably couldn’t tell you their birthdays, or even the color of their eyes. Many modern kids are obsessed with gaining online followers, and social achievement is established by the number of views that their web content generates.
For the gifted child who is also socially awkward, these standards of adolescent popularity can become a depressing measuring stick. Posts about the invariance of the speed of light – or videos about the effect of electricity on plant growth – aren’t nearly as enticing to peers as tutorials on hair care or the broadcasting of live video game streams. Joining in on popularity trends isn’t usually something that intellectually gifted children are gifted toward.
Gifted children benefit most from having friends who “get them.” Due to the intellectually advanced nature of being gifted, this type of understanding may best be obtained from those who are outside of the child’s educational system, or even outside his or her own age group. Being plugged into a club such as GATE or Mensa can assist in this area, as these gatherings provide opportunities to find others with shared abilities and interests. Other options for finding similar minds include joining online groups, or forming a local support network for parents and their gifted children. However this adequate peer support is obtained, bear in mind that the failures and successes that your gifted child experiences in forming friendships during youth tend to dictate his or her future approaches toward friendship.
