What should you expect if you have a gifted child? What are the unique challenges you might face? What will surprise you? What should you be concerned about? Do you really believe your child is gifted? How do you know? Many children share the characteristics of gifted children but their parents are slow to recognize or acknowledge that their child is gifted.
Here are some thoughts from parents who have gone through the experience of raising a gifted child.
Parents have noticed that they don’t have to wait for their children to go to school to identify giftedness. It starts much earlier than that. It can be seen in toddlers and even babies. They show extreme alertness and are always looking around. They need less sleep than other babies and need to have constant stimulation when awake.
Babies and Toddlers Are Alert/Aware
They mimic sounds they hear and are very sensitive to sounds, smells, textures,and tastes. They also react strongly to unpleasant sounds and smells.
What parents notice is that, after feeding and being changed, their baby continues to fuss and cry. One explanation for this characteristic is that a “demanding” baby is in search of stimulation.
A baby sees what is in front of him or her. Even when parents install a mobile above a crib, it may not provide enough variability to keep a baby happy over time.
In research tests, infants were shown familiar items and new items. They quickly looked away from the familiar to explore the new item.
Young Children Reach Milestones Earlier
Many young gifted children walk and talk earlier than other children. But other gifted children wait awhile (maybe they just have nothing to say). But when they do speak, they speak in complete sentences.
Young gifted children show a strong interest in exploring, investigating, and mastering the environment around them. They take things apart. They open cabinets. They try different toys and games and then, losing interest, discard them.
They are hyperactive but it’s because they are curious and excited, not usually because they have ADHD, although that is possible as well.
Gifted children are more easily able to distinguish between fantasy and reality and may be the first one on the block to know the realities of Santa and the tooth fairy.
Young gifted children typically show intense interest in letters and numbers and start to count or read by age three. Although many are capable of doing simple math at an early age, other gifted children do not exhibit these traits until later on. But seeing them at an early age is a clue that the child may be gifted.
Emotions and Attachments Will Grow
Many parents who suspect that their toddlers are gifted think about having them tested. But parents who have raised gifted children say this is not necessary. They say, “Why would you want your child to be tested?” You probably think you want to confirm your suspicion of giftedness but for what purpose? You do not have to teach your gifted child anything. You just need to keep doing what you are doing already, providing love and support. The child can be tested later.
Preschoolers begin to use three- to five-word sentences and start to use “me” and “mine.” They also begin to ask simple questions, using “what, where, or why?” At age three, they have vocabularies of about one thousand words. That more than doubles by age four. And by age six, the gifted child’s language starts to sound like adult speech with complex sentences.
As the children grow, they start to show heightened and more intense emotional responses to experiences and events. This trait in gifted children is called overexcitability (OE). Because of this emotional intensity, they are seen as over-reacting or being overly dramatic. But their feelings are real, and to them, the molehills are really mountains.
Gifted children create strong attachments to people and things, especially animals. They also develop concern for others. Even babies and toddlers will show concern for other babies and toddlers when they cry. They are very perceptive and as they grow older, are sought out by peers for advice.
Listening Is Very Helpful
Parents say one of the best things they did for their gifted child was to listen. Accept your child’s feelings and don’t dismiss them. Acknowledge that the molehills are your child’s mountains.
Try to not pass judgment and avoid giving lectures. Often, young boys feel they are expected to be less emotional than girls. Avoid criticizing them. Help them understand that being emotional is normal for gifted children.
Help your child learn how to make decisions. Offer simple choices at first. Provide directions and ask your child to repeat them so they understand them.
While you shouldn’t push your child into adulthood, you should set rules for acceptable behavior, realizing that OE is a fact of life for these kids. Having intense emotions is not grounds for discipline. But actions like throwing a toy at someone out of frustration could be grounds for discipline.
As children get older and go to school, there will be days of boredom and frustration. They may feel under-challenged at work and come home and go to their rooms to read or spend time on the computer. Many parents just buy more books for their gifted children. But this won’t solve the school disappointment. Your gifted children need outside experiences.
Guide Their Education
Parents of gifted children look for ways to help them explore their world. They take them to museums, libraries, zoos, and concerts. Try to focus on their interests, not your own.
Provide opportunities for continued learning, whether it’s buying books, allowing them time on the computer, or taking them on trips, do what you can to open up the world to the interests and things they want to pursue with a passion.
Colleges and universities offer programs for older school-age children, and you should start to explore supplemental educational programs like these for your child.
Talk to school officials so everyone gets to know your child and his or her needs. Talk to other parents and share strategies. And talk to your child about what you are doing to pave the way without embarrassing the child.
Also talk to an expert in gifted education to get advice on whether to seek a private school that is well prepared to develop the special skills, talents, and unique interests of gifted students. Find out what programs would best serve your gifted child. Some parents skipped this step and wished they had consulted with a gifted education expert.
Some parents make the mistake of leaving their gifted students in a school that doesn’t support his or her needs. There is a lack of encouragement. The homework is repetitive. The attitudes are rigid. The focus is on shortcomings rather than on advanced skills.
Unhappiness and indifference can be seen as a personality defect or behavioral issue that needs attention. The expectation is for everyone to act the same and learn at the same pace and in the same way. If this is the case for your child. It is a sign that you need to step in and start asking questions and possibly seek educational alternatives.
There will be joys and challenges of raising your gifted child. There will be smiling and perhaps some tears along the way. But seeing your gifted child succeed is the ultimate reward for whatever you have to sacrifice.
