Humans have a tendency to be herd animals. The mass mentality that is necessary for forming a cohesive society is not only geared to recognize kin, it is also designed to identify outliers.
Throughout our history, we have evolved to view differences as a potential threat. This can be a problem for giftedness in children, as their intelligence, intensity, and levels of ability are – by definition – outlying from the norm.
Gifted children are not only different from the norm in their intellect, but also in the way which they react to situations.
If not properly understood, the mannerisms of a gifted child can be misinterpreted as as maladaptation, and giftedness can lead a child to end up feeling socially pressured to forsake his or her gifts in pursuit of conformity.
Through educating ourselves and others on the uniqueness giftedness in children, we are better able to preserve the value which they bring to our society.
Giftedness and Social Acceptance
While we are often able to eventually learn to appreciate, and even admire, those who are different from ourselves, this ability is often missing during adolescent years.
According to reputable developmental theories, adolescence – marked by the onset of puberty – is the stage of life where we define who we are in relation to others.
For a gifted child, the adolescent struggle can be a decision of continuing to stand out from the crowd, or of finding ways to fit in. This struggle can be made more difficult due to ostracization from the more popular groups, which are primarily comprised of those who are able to relate to their peers of average intelligence.
In an attempt to gain popularity, a gifted child, in adolescence, may begin to display behaviors that are not expected. Grades may slip; appearance may change drastically; and rebellious, risky, behaviors may be engaged in.
While these behaviors may be concerning, it is actually a sign of the level of giftedness which your child operates under. The gifted child who engages in purposeful attempts toward popularity is demonstrating the fact that research into what makes our society function has been gathered, and such behaviors can be considered as the conducting of a social experiment.
While the consideration that such stages of development are normal may take some of the worry out of it, the fact remains that choices which are made during our adolescence can impact the trajectory of our adult lives.
If you notice that your gifted child is engaging in risky or self-sabotaging behaviors, it may be time to introduce the concept of popularity as a potential side effect, and not the end goal, of success. If the lack of social acceptance is resulting in symptoms of depression for your gifted child, you may consider seeking professional support.
The good news is that current visibility of many gifted folks, as made possible by the accessibility of mass media, seems to be reducing some of the social stigma that was once ascribed to the “smart kids.”
The bullying which was highlighted in the 1970s movie, Animal House, is slowly becoming a thing of the past.
Watching these pocket-protected folks go on to make millions in the Silicon Valley is likely a contributor to the change. Kids on the modern schoolyard can be overheard using the term “nerd” as an affectionate sort of good-natured ribbing, and the social sting of being labeled as one is fading.
Within a culture which places such high value on monetary success, it seems hard to dismiss that smart kids are often the ones who end up with the bank accounts.
Gifted Children and Emotional Reaction
With the emphasis on conformance which comprises our public school system, the excitability and intense reactions of a gifted child can be viewed as disruptive to the whole. Such children may be mislabeled and misdiagnosed as hyperactive; argumentative; and non-compliant.
The danger in allowing this misdescription to remain lies in the impact on self-esteem for the gifted child. Rather than the intensity being viewed as a hallmark of intelligence, the gifted child may begin to view herself, or himself, as defective.
As a parent of a gifted child, it is important that we educate others in regard to the way our gifted child expresses intelligence.
Engagement in arguments is not always a sign of a defense mechanism, but is often a means of gathering unalloyed facts. Excessive energy is not always a sign of attention deficit disorder, but is often a sign of the inspiration and interest that a gifted mind craves and thrives on.
The thought processes of a gifted child are often so fast and intense that it would be abnormal to not, simultaneously, experience a biological reaction which presents as emotion.
The experience can be likened to a grain of sand in the belly of an oyster.
The gifted child will wrestle with a thought or idea, only to eventually emerge with a pearl of added knowledge. This process of gaining knowledge can manifest as extreme excitability over a topic, and can be experienced as overwhelming by those who do not share the gifted nature.
The mind of a gifted child can be likened to the robot character in the 1980s movie, Short Circuit.
The gifted child “needs input.”
What is interpreted as lack of ability to concentrate may, in fact, be due to the curriculum which is being employed. The experience of being intellectually bored can result in very uncomfortable sensations. The emotions which are elicited with boredom can be equated to the physical discomfort of repeatedly attempting to walk around in a shoe which is too small.
These symptoms of not being intellectually challenged can manifest as anxiety, irritation, and restlessness. The cure for this discomfort, of course, is to present means for the gifted child to be properly challenged, and to provide avenues for the gifted child to realize the full potential of his or her passions.
Not placing a gifted child into a box which does not fit is the overall goal of successful fostering.
